Life is weird these days, isn’t it? So much of it is lived through technology and social media. And frankly, I’m having a difficult time accepting it. Obviously, here I am though, quite immersed in it – maybe not to the extent others are, but immersed nonetheless. I mean, I have two businesses that rely heavily on social media for promotion, I have this blog which is obviously online, and then of course I have my personal FB page. Hypocrite? Maybe.
It feels strange though. It feels fake and unnatural to live this way and to know that “this” is the way it is and will continue to be. But I also know there are so many opportunities in this “new age” (even though it's not so new)…especially for someone like me – a “quiet creative”.
I don’t even know if a “quiet creative” is a real thing, but that’s how I see myself. I don’t think I’m “loud” or “in your face,” but I definitely need a creative outlet and have found “quiet” ways to express that creativity…and technology and social media have definitely assisted when it comes to sharing that creativity with others when it would otherwise go unnoticed. Not that attention is what I seek, but rather, just the desire to share the creativity because why keep it to myself? And I want to able to provide to others what I create because they need it or appreciate it, or to hopefully inspire others to pursue those things that make them feel like they, too, are in their element.
So despite the unease, I’ve tried to embrace it…all…real-life and virtual reality. However, my fear of losing the real-life experiences for myself and my family has been a real driving force for me in the last few years. My resistance, and maybe even my rebellion towards the virtual world, has definitely given me more oomph to seek ways to really “live” outside of technology. I’m so much more open-minded than I once was about traveling, family adventures, and taking on new projects. They certainly influence each other though – real vs virtual. The ideas I see online inspire offline activities and vice versa. It’s definitely a balancing act I’m constantly working on.
I wonder how much of this push and pull and mixed feelings I have towards technology has to do with my age. I’m nearly 40 (gasp), and I’m part of that generation whose early childhood didn’t contain the internet, so we remember the awe and usefulness of Encyclopedias. But before we were quite grown, the internet did come around, so we also remember “Ask Jeeves”. We remember getting told to get off the phone (landline) in case someone else was trying to call, AND we remember getting our first cellphone (in college - gulp). We remember the sound of dial-up internet, and now, we have the power of a computer in our pockets. I feel, we were the guinea pigs of the internet and all that came with it because we were still young and malleable when it was really introduced. My generation has experienced a lot of changes and technological advancements that our kids will never comprehend and completely take for granted. And our experiences give us an appreciation and respect for and a complete understanding of “old school” AND “new school”. My generation is spectacularly well-rounded.
And the idea of my generation and well-roundedness got me thinking more about who I am and where I fit in to it all. So I thought I’d do some self-assessing and see if I could figure it out:
Well, I’m a self-proclaimed nerd.
But I suppose I didn’t need to proclaim that I’m a nerd for others to know it. It’s pretty obvious.
I often refer to myself as “Lindsey the Librarian” (although my husband looked at me completely dumbfounded when I told him the title of this post...maybe I never said it in front of him before? Surely I have. Later though, he said, "Lindsey the Librarian and Jake the Jock"....it has a certain ring to it. Maybe it will be a love story I write someday?)…But, anyway I think "Lindsey the Librarian"suits me. I tend to be on the quiet side (and I prefer it to BE quiet...much like in a library.). I love to read. I appreciate the Dewey Decimal System. I love cardigans. I wear glasses (well contacts, but I see nothing but blurry blobs without one or the other). And I have worked at two libraries. I probably should have gotten a degree in Library Science instead of Advertising, but…still...despite those quiet attributes, part of me LIVES for creativity. Seeeeee…”Quiet Creative”.
I’m so complex! ;)
However complex I think I might be, though, I’m very consistent. Whenever I do a personality test like the Myers-Briggs test, I always end up in the same categories:
· Introversion – energized by spending time alone
· Intuition – makes decisions based on ideas and concepts rather than facts and details
· Thinking – makes decisions based on logic and reason
· Judging - prefers to be planned and organized rather than spontaneous and flexible
Careers suitable for an INTJ (The Mastermind) include Accountant, Market Research Analyst, Scientist, Engineer, Computer Programmer, Software Developer, Lawyer, Photographer, and Writer, just to name a few.
Guess what I wanted to be when I grew up – a lawyer. Guess why I chose Advertising as my major – so that I could write commercials (and be behind the scenes). Guess what my current job is – an Accountant. Guess what some of my favorite hobbies are – writing and photography. Guess what “________for Dummies” book I have sitting on my coffee table – “Web Coding and Development for Dummies”. Myers-Briggs doesn’t lie.
But I think the thing that makes me so complex (and I know I keep using that word - complex - but whatever) is my need for a creative outlet – and I just don’t see where my INTJ personality would need that, but for whatever reason, it does! I guess all of the rule following and data analysis eventually gets to me, and I just have to do something granny-like. Bake, crochet, write a post for a blog that no one will read.
When I was younger, I might not have done much baking or crocheting. Although I think I enjoyed writing some. But I sure did like to read! Not so ironically, a solo pastime. I read so many books! I loved how I could immediately be transported into another time and place! I was fascinated by Laura Ingalls Wilder and Anne of Green Gables. Growing up in the country surrounded by small towns made it easier to step into those stories. My appreciation for vintage, lace, and shabby chic might have a lot to do with my childhood reads. Or maybe I’m just an old soul.
And another creative outlet I was blessed to have as a child was the piano. One of my favorite movies growing up was “Little Orphan Annie”. My parents had recorded it off of the TV…onto a VHS of course…commercials and all. And it was because of a McDonald’s commercial that aired during the movie that showed a young girl preparing for a piano recital, that I had the desire to play the piano. She played Für Elise and sang a song in her head to the tune as she played (watch the commercial here: http://binged.it/3cPnODT). I was inspired! I’m 100% serious. I begged my parents to let me take piano lessons – when they finally agreed, I was so happy! (How many kids actually want to take piano lessons???) I LOVED playing the piano. And that same piano from my childhood is in my dining room. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for seeing my sincere desire and buying me a piano. You didn’t get me a horse, take me to tap-dance classes or gymnastics, but the piano made up for it.
I sure did want to take tap-dancing lessons when I was younger though – thank you Punky Brewster. But I didn’t ever make it to lessons. Eventually, and surprisingly, I tried out for the drill team in 6th grade. It took a good year of practice and I'm sure, embarrassing performances as well, but I had really found something I absolutely loved….DANCE! It turned out, Punky Brewster was on to something. And to this day, I still have dreams about showing up as a thirty something gal at a basketball game only to discover that I have to perform in 2 minutes during half-time of the game…”Hey girl I have never met before! Teach me the routine NOW!” I think Jake and I should take some ballroom dance classes…it would be a BLAST!
Okay, let’s try to come full circle and talk technology. I remember when my dad brought home our first computer. It came with a dot-matrix printer and floppy disks. I was determined to figure out how to use that computer. I might have been in 6th or 7th grade? I can’t remember exactly. For some reason, I wasn’t scared of the computer, and I figured out how to create some animation using one of the disks, taught myself to type (when we finally got to take Keyboarding in 8th grade, I kicked butt), and learned the basics of commands. And my senior year, my Computer Science teacher chose me as Computer Science Student of the Year because I found creative solutions to my computer problems. And now, at my current job, I spend a lot of time analyzing and connecting data, playing with databases and finding ways to make processes more streamlined, efficient and more accurate. I’m so fortunate my company saw my capabilities and has given me the opportunity to grow my skills.
Speaking of my employer….
So, I consider myself a “quiet creative,” but I’d like to also think I have a “quiet confidence”. I was once told by my boss in a performance review that her boss (who was fairly new to the company at the time and ironically happens to have the opposite personality from me on the quadrant of the Myers-Briggs scale) thought I came across as “lacking confidence”…. My response to that statement was, “What?! I am super confident. I know I can do anything. I feel that my work should speak for itself. I shouldn’t have to tell others what I’ve accomplished or how deserving or undeserving I am of certain opportunities. I just don’t feel comfortable tooting my own horn.” Well, as it turns out my beliefs are just fine and dandy, but that isn’t really how the world works and sometimes you have to tell other people what you’ve accomplished or what you want because it’s not very often that someone else will do that for you or be able to read your mind. So, I thank my boss’s boss for that comment. It fired me up and made me take a harder look at what I do, how I respond in certain situations, and finally start taking credit for the hard work and effort I put into what I do. It’s still uncomfortable, but I want to be a better example for my girls.
And the girls do definitely share a lot of my personality traits. I see so much of my childhood experiences in those darlings. So knowing what I know now, I want them to embrace their quiet side. I want them to grow up knowing that it’s okay if they don’t want to be in the limelight. That it’s okay to want to stay home once in awhile and read a good book. I want them to know it’s okay to be “the nerd” who ruins the grading curve. I want them to know it’s okay to dance like no one is watching (even if someone is). But I also want them to know that it’s okay to stand up for themselves. That it’s okay to surprise people by telling them what they want. I want them to know it’s okay to be heard and seen. I want them to know that it’s okay to want to win because someone is going to win, and there’s no reason it can’t be them. And I want them to know that it’s okay to be proud of what they have accomplished and humbly celebrate every success.
I also want them to live as much of their lives outside of a screen as possible! Currently they have to do chores to earn screentime, and they share one iPad and a Nintendo Switch. I don't know how long it will be before they get their own phones. Maybe forever?! Okay. I know that's not realistic. And this might be where that whole accepting technology thing gets sketchy for me. I want to protect my girls as much as I can....and technology is so scary! I want them to find that healthy balance - where they use technology enough to understand it and use it to their advantage, but to not use it so much that they miss out on life. And there is so much life to live…there’s so much to see, touch, and smell. There’s a whole big world out there, and I want them to experience it while being exactly who they are!
Wanting these things for my girls has encouraged ME to try to do and be those things myself…or at least attempt to. Lindsey the Librarian is always learning. And there are so many tools available to help me be the happiest and best librarian out there. But I can assure you, Lindsey the Librarian will not be learning how to Snapchat or Tik-Tok. Nope. Ain't gonna do it. ;)
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