I would never think "kindness" would be a trend, but kindness is trending. I absolutely love the idea of spreading kindness wherever you go. Living by the Golden Rule. Being a friend to everyone you meet, and doing ALL of these things with no expectation of getting anything in return.
(cue the crickets)
"Wait...you mean I have to be kind just for the sake of being kind? I'm not going to get an award or special recognition for being a good person???!!!" "Yes. That's exactly what I mean."
I'm afraid we're not teaching our kids the TRUE meaning of being kind. We're teaching young people to be "kind" in front of the right people. We're teaching our children that you should be rewarded for being "kind". We're teaching our kids to be "Eddie Haskell" (for those of you too young to get that reference, Google "Leave It to Beaver").
"In a world where you can be anything, be kind." Be kind ALWAYS. Be kind when no one is looking. Be kind when you know you will get nothing in return. Be kind because being unkind is cruel. Be kind because we are all human...I often say, "We are all just people." I don't care if you're the CEO or the receptionist of a Forbes Top 10 company. I will treat you both the same...with kindness and respect. We all start out deserving of that!
Teach your children that they are responsible for their own behavior, and that you know there are two or more sides to every story, and you want to hear them all - not just the side where your child plays the victim hoping it will excuse him from being kind to someone else. Teach your children that being kind isn't about getting recognition, that it isn't even about them feeling good about themselves, that being kind has nothing to do with them really at all. It's about the other person. It's about taking care of someone else. It's about helping and making others feel better. It's about putting aside your own ego to boost someone else's.
Take responsibility for yourself, and your kids. They are going to screw up. You're going to screw up. And all you can do is put yourself in someone else's shoes, and learn from your mistakes so that next time, you or your child will make a better choice. You have to talk about it. You have to lecture. You have to discipline. You have to lead by example. It has to be something you are constantly conscientious of.
Have a conversation with your child about the fact that, regardless of how kind he or she is, he will be treated unkindly sometimes. Some people are simply "unkind". Maybe it's a result of low self-esteem, jealousy, or they just honestly don't give a hoot about anyone else's feelings. Those "delightful" people are out there. However, others are unkind accidentally. Humans are humans, and unkindness isn't always intentional. We've all been there!
But nevertheless, your child's feelings will be hurt. Your child's heart will be broken. And it is your job as a parent to teach your children how to cope. Let them know it's okay to have feelings of anger, sadness, bitterness, jealousy, and disappointment. But let them know that it is unacceptable to live in their made up world of "unrealistic expectations" (aka - "Nothing bad will ever happen to me." Or “If something good happens for someone else, I will be angry at them.”). Let them know that it is unacceptable to live in their made up world of "complete devastation" (aka - "Oh woe is me, my feelings are hurt. I can’t go on." Or “It’s not fair.”). Let them know that it is unacceptable to live in their made up world where "spite and vengeance are appropriate means of justice" (aka - self-explanatory). But let them know that it IS acceptable to live in a world of RESILIENCE. That they should feel what they need to feel, pick themselves up, brush themselves off, and then move on. Forgive if they need to forgive. Forget if they need to forget. But they must move forward and continue to do what is right. They must always continue to treat others the way they would like to be treated. They must always ALWAYS choose to be kind.
Comments